Popz to all...

Hey guys, just wanna say thanks for the concern wrt my breakup with my girlfriend. I guess it has been coming for some time, and at the end of the day, I guess I'm just not the man we thought I was.

Maybe just to let y'all in on the details of it a little bit. I'm proud to say my ex and I had a wonderful relationship. Not exactly hong hong lie lie, but we understood each other very well. But inevitably things changed after she went over to Perth. Communication was a big part of our relationship (and should be a big part of any relationship I guess) but circumstances did not exactly permit us to communicate a lot. Calls were expensive, we couldn't really talk over the Net coz her school had a cap on the amount of data she downloads a day. So we only talked to each other for a short while everyday. It turns out that sometimes you have so much to say till you don't know what and how to say, and end up just not saying anything much. A bit hard to understand, but it was like that.

Our problems really amplified themselves on her birthday on Sept 5th. Her birthday was also incidentally our 4th anniversary together, so you can imagine how much I wanted to be the first one to wish her a happy birthday and a happy anniversary. I thought about it the whole week and planned like how I'd try to beat everyone else who would call/sms her to wish her a happy birthday by calling her from 11pm the previous nite. She had 2 hp and one rm phone and she picked up none. I gave up calling at about 2am, and went for more than a couple of beers in my disappointment.

I figured the next day that it wasn't really her fault considering a) it was her birthday and she was enjoying herself with her friends and b) it was probably my fault coz I built up the expectation myself. When you try to give someone a surprise, sometimes it just doesn't work out the way you want it to. I thought maybe it's just one of those things.

Last week, she went on a trip with her friends to South Australia, and before she left, I gave her specific instructions that she didn't have to call me coz calling on her hp is expensive, but she had to just sms me every night and lemme know she was ok. Well it happened on the first nite, which was great, but her msg never came on the 2nd nite and I got really worried. She is usually quite responsible in this respect. At about midnite I gave up waiting and decided to call her. I called and called but she never picked up, so I ended up waiting up the whole nite for her msg.

It never came. I finally managed to contact her in the afternoon the next day and told her I was worried sick. Turned out she was already asleep by 1am and was having so much fun with her frens, she was tired and just fell asleep. I really felt like an idiot waiting up the whole nite for one lousy msg, so needless to say I didn't react very kindly.

For the rest of the week I didn't really want to tok to her, but on Sat I felt quite bad about the way I was avoiding her, so when I woke up I decided to call her early at nite so we can just chat the nite away. Again, I think it's a building up of expectations thing, coz it was all I could think about the whole day and I thought she'd really be surprised and appreciative.

Again, it never happened. I called all over the place but she didn't pick up. I was just so so sad. I couldn't understand why every time I try to give a little extra into our relationship it never works out. I ended it there and then by msging her it's over.

I spoke to her later that nite after I left Chinablack and she accepted that we lidat continue also bu shi ban fa. She has a good social life over there and a life she needs to experience without me holding her back. It was a lot easier on my side in the sense I knew she had this guy friend over there who is treating her wonderfully, and with me out of the way maybe she can be with someone who can take care of her and shower her with the care and concern that I cannot provide.

Now on hindsight, I think all this is my fault. I brainfucked myself literally out of our relationship I guess. Maybe y'all might think what I did was stupid, and a part of me tells me I'm going to regret this so much in the future. But I hope this doesn't make you think any lesser of me.

I'm tired now. And once again, thanks for the concern.

Blue_Nanchakus